wishing. wanting. waiting.

Practice Boyfriend

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 03:40:09 -0400

Is there such a thing as a practice boyfriend? My roommate and I were discussing the possibility. For me, I feel like my first boyfriend was more of a practice one than a real one. I learned the motions and tasks to perform, but the emotional connection wasn’t present, so does that make him a practice boyfriend rather than a real one? I feel like if the next guy asks me about previous relationships, I might answer that I never had one because it doesn’t feel like I did. It just seemed like a dry run.

But then again, aren’t all of our relationships just a dry run for that special someone who takes your breath away with the shortest glimpse?

Photo

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 02:39:41 -0400

Photo

Thu, 17 May 2012 17:34:14 -0400

Photo

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 00:12:15 -0400

a piano with a heart that’s just as breakable as ours

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 04:44:45 -0400

a piano with a heart that’s just as breakable as ours

lonliness

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 04:41:00 -0400

it’s the worst feeling in the world. it’s like a bird suddenly lose it’s ability to fly or a nightingale unable to sing another tune or even a little kid dropping his ice cream cone on the street. loneliness swallows whatever’s left of you and blankets you in darkness.

the pain that comes with realizing you’re truly alone magnifies the damage tenfold. but denial holds off the pain only to bite you in the ass and make it hurt a hundred times as much as it should’ve.

maybe that’s why heartbreak hurts so much after finally letting our guards down for that special someone they desert you, deeming you not good enough.

whether a guy breaks your heart or a friend, loneliness is the consequence. for me, losing the friend hurts more. the loneliness that comes with losing a friend overshadows that of losing a guy.

friendship is subconsciously more near and dear to our heart and so the betrayal of a friend is always worse than that of a significant other. friendship is a promise for an eternal bond while a relationship is a shot in the dark hoping that it will last as long as your friendship with your best friend does; it’s a gamble, and on a subconscious level, you’ve prepared yourself for the worst possible outcome: losing him. but with a friend, you don’t prepare yourself to lose them, because that wasn’t supposed to be a gamble. it’s easier to fix a romantic heart than a friendly one because the loneliness that comes with a severed friendship blankets everything, and that just sucks. lonliness sucks. but if it sucks so much, why is so essential for our growth?

shininess!

Fri, 23 Mar 2012 14:13:02 -0400

shininess!

i wish i could do an updo like that

Fri, 23 Mar 2012 14:12:25 -0400

i wish i could do an updo like that

i wish i could do this

Fri, 23 Mar 2012 14:10:17 -0400

i wish i could do this

so blue!

Fri, 23 Mar 2012 14:03:56 -0400

so blue!

Love is cyclical. If you love, love will come back to you.

Thu, 01 Mar 2012 19:55:03 -0500

Love is cyclical. If you love, love will come back to you.

I looked at the date today and saw that it should have been our two year anniversary a few days...

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 01:59:20 -0500

I looked at the date today and saw that it should have been our two year anniversary a few days back. But it isn’t and i’m relieved and happy. I’ll finally admit it want the best experience of my life losing someone I cared about who adored me like no other but i’m just so relieved I probably won’t ever see your face again. From what i’ve heard you’re nowhere near as great a you used to be and maybe that’s my fault. If it is i’m sorry. but i’m not sorry for being so completely done with you. I don’t hate you. To be honest I don’t think I ever could, even though I probably should. But I still wish you lots of love every time i’m reminded about an intimate moment between us and have to thank you for bringing out my beauty. For that, I think i’m forever in your debt. So thank you. But I’d like to say i’m so ready for the next guy to come teach me about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness ;)

over-protectiveness

Sun, 14 Aug 2011 04:40:07 -0400

why is a guy being over protective so damn attractive? i mean, i’m all for women’s rights, but i have to admit, i like being protected by someone i care about. maybe it’s just because i want to be protected by him and know that he cares for me enough to let me know. it’s one of the little things that he does that always manages to put a smile on my face. even if that smile is uncalled for.

why is ur tumblr so pretty and perfect??? gahhhhhhhhhhh

Sun, 14 Aug 2011 04:22:30 -0400

daffy…..yours is pretty too :P

THAT WAS NOT DAFFY D:< FOR SHAMMMMMME!

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 04:58:46 -0400

<3 eileen.

YES. and it just makes everything hurt more.

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 04:53:11 -0400

YES. and it just makes everything hurt more.

hehe i've never done this before. ANONOMOUS ASKING! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE xD

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 04:47:29 -0400

hi daffy. <3 you too

isn’t this how it is with every guy you like/lust after?...

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 04:47:07 -0400

isn’t this how it is with every guy you like/lust after? why can’t we be more brave? to not be scared of making the first platonic move?

my friend pointed out that i always, without fail, mention him last whenever i ask our group about a hangout. if people do stupid little things like this to the one they like, then how do relationships ever get started?

fromme-toyou: GPOYW Little black dress & Paris looking off...

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 07:06:45 -0400

fromme-toyou:

GPOYW

Little black dress & Paris

looking off into the distance seems like such a harmless thing to do, but it’s dangerous; toxic to one’s perception of reality. but it seems like its something we all do. how long does it take for us to learn of our own fatalities before avoiding it? or is it in our nature to let them destroy us?

almost

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 07:00:28 -0400

so there’s this guy. and i know what you’re thinking, there always is. but this one’s different. he has touched me in ways my boyfriend of almost a year, never did, and i suspect, never could.

he’s the first guy i like. and it’s a dangerous, powerful like that terrifies and frustrates me at the same time. his moments of tenderness touch me to the core, but there’s a double edged sword: with every sweet gesture he makes, a part of me weeps at the fact that he could’ve been mine and we could’ve had something. my friend pointed out the thing that was missing in my first relationship: chemistry and compatibility. with this guy, neither is lacking.

tonight, he called me on skype and we talked so comfortably and easily and when it was over, i was angry because i could’ve had that all the time. it’s extremely frustrating to be dangled a carrot and know you can’t have it because time’s run out. i’ve learned that almost hurts a hell of a lot more than the impossible.