Practice Boyfriend

Is there such a thing as a practice boyfriend? My roommate and I were discussing the possibility. For me, I feel like my first boyfriend was more of a practice one than a real one. I learned the motions and tasks to perform, but the emotional connection wasn’t present, so does that make him a practice boyfriend rather than a real one? I feel like if the next guy asks me about previous relationships, I might answer that I never had one because it doesn’t feel like I did. It just seemed like a dry run. 

But then again, aren’t all of our relationships just a dry run for that special someone who takes your breath away with the shortest glimpse? 

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lonliness

it’s the worst feeling in the world. it’s like a bird suddenly lose it’s ability to fly or a nightingale unable to sing another tune or even a little kid dropping his ice cream cone on the street.  loneliness swallows whatever’s left of you and blankets you in darkness.

the pain that comes with realizing you’re truly alone magnifies the damage tenfold. but denial holds off the pain only to bite you in the ass and make it hurt a hundred times as much as it should’ve.  

maybe that’s why heartbreak hurts so much after finally letting our guards down for that special someone they desert you, deeming you not good enough. 

whether a guy breaks your heart or a friend, loneliness is the consequence. for me, losing the friend hurts more. the loneliness that comes with losing a friend overshadows that of losing a guy.

friendship is subconsciously more near and dear to our heart and so the betrayal of a friend is always worse than that of a significant other. friendship is a promise for an eternal bond while a relationship is a shot in the dark hoping that it will last as long as your friendship with your best friend does; it’s a gamble, and on a subconscious level, you’ve prepared yourself for the worst possible outcome: losing him. but with a friend, you don’t prepare yourself to lose them, because that wasn’t supposed to be a gamble. it’s easier to fix a romantic heart than a friendly one because the loneliness that comes with a severed friendship blankets everything, and that just sucks. lonliness sucks. but if it sucks so much, why is so essential for our growth?

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